Ten tips to help you feel good about calling home

Murphy’s Law for teachers: If you are on a mission to Feel Good About Teaching, you will get an email from an angry parent.  It’s easy to let those calls ruin your day, but it’s much healthier to use those emails and calls as an opportunity to build a relationship with the parent or guardian to establish mutual support and understanding.  Here are ten things you can do to transform your communications with students’ families.

1) Be proactive, not reactive.  Establish a communication routine  by creating an email or text message list for your students and families that you can use to send reminders about homework, grade updates, tests, projects and events.  You may not feel like you are personally contacting each parent frequently, but they will feel like you are!  Keep a positive, chipper tone in your group mailings and that will be your reputation going into any individual communications.

 

2) Deposit before you withdraw.   This is another proactive step; if you get a sense early on that one of your students is a bit squirrely, get in touch with the parents right away, and keep it positive “Johnny is just so energetic, having him in my first hour class really helps me start the day with a lot of spirit.” This way, if you have to call next week because Johnny is bouncing off the walls, his parents are more likely to be open to your concerns.

3) Make positive calls.  End each day with a couple of phone calls that are purely positive –even if you just leave a voicemail.  “I just graded subject-verb agreement worksheets, and I wanted to let you know that Max aced his; I’ll send it home tomorrow for you to hang on the fridge!”  or “Thought you’d appreciate knowing that Abby was on fire in our discussion today; she had great insights into the character!” 

4) Pick up the phone.  Unless you have an established email relationship with a particular parent or guardian, pick up the phone for your first contact.  And always broach difficult conversations over the phone, not in email.

5) Prepare ahead of time.  Before initiating or responding to messages, go over your notes, your gradebook, and other documentation so that you can answer parent questions without having to put the parent on hold while you run to get your gradebook. Often, I also like to touch base with the student to make sure he or she hasn’t forgotten to give me something.  It’s ok to take 24 hours to get your ducks in a row.  Since I have my school email forwarded to my iPhone, sometimes I will reply with “Thank you for your email, I will check on the details tomorrow during my planning period and get back to you by 3pm.”

6) Let it go to voicemail.  Don’t feel pressure to pick up the phone and answer parent concerns immediately.  Upset parents don’t always wait until they are level-headed to pick up the phone.  Allow them time to leave a message, and cool down.  This will give you time to learn what their concern is, embrace your own emotional reaction –privately- and gather any documents you may need for the follow up call.

7) Keep your eye on the big picture.  Go into the call knowing what information you want to gather or convey and encourage the parent to articulate his or her goals early too.  Make a little list of the points you want to cover and check them off as you come to a satisfactory conclusion.  If the parent wants to rehash a point you’ve already put to rest, remind them of the solution and move onto a different concern.  Sometimes the parent is just frustrated, they don’t want your logic or rational solutions, so ask “What resolution can we come to so that we can walk away feeling good about this call?” and work from there.  If there really is nothing that anyone can do to make things better, agree to end the call, give it some thought and reconnect in a week.

8) Agree whenever you can.  Actually say “I totally agree” when parents say something you can get behind. “Drew is really interested in the Romeo and Juliet unit” “I agree, He’s always the first to volunteer to read!”  In fact, it will go a long way toward building (or repairing) that relationship if you frame disagreements in this way.  “Jennifer worked really hard on this essay” “I agree that Jennifer is very motivated to get a good grade on this essay; maybe she’d like to stick around after school so I can show her how to properly format her quotations.” 

9) End unhealthy calls.  If a parent uses an aggressive tone or shouts at you, end the call.  If the parent uses profanity, end the call.  If the parent insults you personally, end the call.  If the parent makes inappropriate advances, end the call.  If the parent is manipulating you and making you feel trapped, end the call.  My metric is this: If a man treated me this way, what would my girlfriends say?  Your dignity is no less valuable in professional relationships than it is in romantic relationships.  How do I end the call?  “I’m very sorry but, I have to end this call right now, I will get in touch in the next day or so.” Then hang up.  You can reattempt the call later with support, or pass it off to a department chair, dean or counselor.  Always follow up with your department chair or principal if you have to end a call.

10) Document.  Keep a log of notes from your parent calls –even if you just get a busy signal.  You never know when you’ll need to reference prior conversations, or lack thereof.  A plain spiral notebook is a great starting point; I staple on any detention slips or other loose documentation.

Extra Credit) Whenever I leave a voicemail for a parent, I preface my message with “There is no emergency, I’d just like to…” because parents worry and seeing a voicemail from the school may fill their minds with terrible fears and anxiety about their children’s safety.